Last modified: Thu Jul 11 18:41:02 GMT+0900 1996

Art of Child Rearing

By Rev. Tokuchika Miki

(Second Oshieoyasama)

Child Rearing

Children Are the Mirror of Their Parents

All parents wish their children to be healthy, to possess good dispositions, to be intelligent and to grow and develop into good citizens. For that reason we listen to the experience of our elders, seek the opinions of doctors and educators and read books on child care. No doubt these methods have been helpful.

I am not an expert on child care, but from a religious standpoint, I am often consulted by parents whose children do not behave the way they want or by parents who wish to rear their children using a much better method.

The way of child care was taught to me by my father, the Founder of PL, who said, "children are the mirror of their parents." This fundamental truth which is embraced as one of the teachings in PL Precept No. 15 reads, "ALL IS A MIRROR." In order to apply this fundamental rule in practical child care, I have researched it from an early age.

I do not have children of my own. Although I felt I understood and knew all the principles of child care, I nevertheless felt it was necessary for my wife and I to actually take care of a baby. So we adopted Misako and Takahito from my wife's younger brother and his wife right after they were born. I am thankful for the many things I have learned from my two children.

A Frog's Child Is Always a Frog

"A child is a mirror of his parents" is the essence of the relationship between parent and child. There are sayings in Japan such as, "a frog's child is always a frog," "like breeds like," and, "a melon vine will not produce an eggplant." They are used to illustrate that your lineage cannot be altered. No matter how much you wish it to be different, a frog's offspring will always be a frog, a melon will only grow on a melon vine and only an eggplant will come from the branch of an eggplant. It can be of good or bad quality; it does not happen by chance.

Various factors contribute to the quality of the eggplant such as seed, soil, fertilizers, sunshine, water and the amount of care. If the crop is bad the farmer begins to wonder if the seed was bad. Was there a lack of water or was the proper amount of fertilizer given? He reflects upon himself to find the cause of the poor crop and then eagerly looks forward to the next year's crop. No one will say, "I took very good care of it so there should be no excuse for such poor quality,'' and then get mad at the eggplant.

Where Does the Reason Lie?

The same holds true regarding our children. Every parent wishes his/her child to grow up to be good. Whether he/she is good or bad is not the responsibility of the child. The health and character of both parents, the couples' relationship with each other, the mother's day to day attitude during her pregnancy, the rearing and disciplining of the baby after birth all subtly affect the entire child. It can be said in most instances that the child is a reflection of both parents' thoughts and actions. In fact a child is the mirror which reflects his parents. Thus, it is wrong in principle for a parent to get angry at his child just because the parent cannot handle him properly. It is like getting angry at an inferior eggplant.

We must always remember that the reason lies within ourselves, the parents. We should examine and improve ourselves where there is need to be improved. Only then can we go ahead and discipline and teach our children. Is this not the proper way of bringing up our children?

Of course, "the child is a mirror," does not mean that it will reflect the parents' shortcomings only. It will also reflect their virtues and merits. It is not necessary to go deeply into this for it is not a troublesome matter for parents. We should sincerely try to feel grateful when the child displays some goodness. At times like this it is important that we do not have conceited thoughts, such as, "It is because I am good." Progress stops immediately when you are conceited. But not being self-conceited is still not enough. As you reach a higher level, I want you to remember that progress cannot be attained unless you continuously try to improve yourself and maintain a sincere state of mind.

I pray that you will use PL teachings to raise your children to be healthy, intelligent, have good dispositions and be endowed with a wealth of expression and usefulness for society.

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